Just cropdusted the office
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
