Midget sex pt 2 tonight
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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