I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
