It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
