This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
