i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
