You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
