in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
