I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
