Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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