THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
