i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
