First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
