I think im going to throw up on grandma
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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