Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
