I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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