Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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