I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
