dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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