I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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