I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
