you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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