i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You left your phone here
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