Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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