I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
How naked do you want me to be?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
