I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
