Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
