o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
