hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
