I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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