I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
