you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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