So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Actions speak louder than pants.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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