Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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