I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
