We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
