You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize