Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
