11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
