Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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