If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
