If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
