Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
