He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
