We won't sleep together?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
