What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
