did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize