Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Every concussion has its silver lining
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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