You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
