i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I can text with my tongue
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
