Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
