Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
