Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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