this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My breasts were aching with rage.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
