Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
