I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
