hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
