Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
