we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
