That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize