i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
pray to the hookup gods
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
