Grow some girl-balls and come out already
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
