I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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