I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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