I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
