You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
