the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
