she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
