I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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