morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
