Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
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