Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
