You're so nebulous sometimes
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize
