ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
