im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize