I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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