I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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