Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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