i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Randomize
