drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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