He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Randomize