best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
