Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
