So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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