Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
