Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
