3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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